There is nothing wrong with getting married young. Just because I want to commit to the person who got it right the first time doesn’t mean my life is over or that I’m about to start popping out kids. I don’t judge people who wait till they’re 30 to get married…so why should anyone judge me for knowing what I want a little sooner than most.

I will never stop feeling useless….& it’s been proven that everyone sees me that way.

I feel a little broken hearted right now. My family has never been one which is something you learn to live with and be okay after some time. But not having a relationship with your mom, that’s just sad. It doesn’t even feel real sometimes and sometimes it’s so easy to say I don’t know or she’s busy when people ask me about my own mother because that’s how it’s been for almost 21 years now. I feel like my life at home is such a nightmare that when people complain about theirs I just wish they could be in my shoes for even an hour and see how lucky they are to actually be able go home to a comfortable house even if their dad left the house or their mom left. At least you don’t worry about your safety or your siblings well-being, or about focusing on your OWN life….my life has to be put on hold because of this. I any even enjoy my engagement or my own happiness, I can’t study, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything.

I wish I had a “normal” family and not one that is so fucked up. I’m tired of putting my life on hold for them…it’s just one tragedy after anther.

Don’t compare. If you do, you’ll never be satisfied.

It’s really bothersome when people complain about stupid shit. Makes me not want to vent about my own because even I annoy myself. I’m starting to believe that “things get worse before they get better” is crap.

These 9 months will be bittersweet. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Julian is amazing; he doesn’t try to change me, he takes care of me, listens to me, makes me laugh, and spends every free second with me even though he knows it’s okay If he doesn’t. But, I don’t even have a family to share my happiness with. My moms in the next room crying because my dad just left the house again. Because he doesn’t love her yet, she barely knows why she wants for herself. Their divorced but haven’t parted ways and I’m not even close to my aunts and uncles anymore. Who’s going to my wedding…I come home every day after avoiding my own parents all day and still there’s something brewing waiting to explode. Years and years of the same thing. I can’t imagine how it is for them but at least for me, I feel like I deserve to be happy. I haven’t done anything to deserve their misery but they seem not to care anymore. And I don’t know how to deal anymore.

I’m on tublr because Sammy G reminded me that writing what u feel makes you feel better in the end. I used to do this a lot somewhere else.
Anyways, yesterday I realized that the older you get, the more you start noticing the things that many would say “screw you up”. It’s sad, how I feel and what I’ve gone through specially because it was lonely. But people out there must be going through worse. Instead of dwelling on it because it’s not something I will ever get used to nor be able to change I will take something from it. The relationship you have with your parents determine or affect the relationships you have with others. I’m scared that because I didn’t have thst I won’t be able to be there for my children one day. But, I see the errors people make and I’m determined to learn from them.

I’m not asking for anyone’s opinion on me getting married, specially if ur in the same age group I am. Not everyone is the same.
Who are you to say what’s wrong or right for ME.