Words flow easier in ink

Sometimes you expect more than what you get :/

That’s what I wanna see in my closet sky high like my Bebe likes em ;)
Sigh* y am I broke -_-

Why have I been so sad lately…
:(

Why is it that my parents have to make it so hard for me to just LIVE!

It’s so annoying how my parents are the worse parenting, role model “couple” in the history of time. Hey mom, I get it you have trust issues and all you care about is money and yourself and nobody else and you are angry at the WORLD so if your not happy then no one can be happy. But, just because of that it doesn’t mean you have to be angry at me for trying to live my life outside this hell hole of a house, or at my younger sister who is trying to ignore the stupidity of your arguments. Dads the same way…admitted that his life will always and forever be miserable and ruined because he’s been so unhappy for his entire life that nothing can change that. That he admittedly repeats how he doesn’t love or even like my mom whom he is not married to anymore yet he keeps moving back in with. The fuck kinda of life, and relationships have you taught us to want or to love for. I didnt need to be a psychology major to know that your parents relationship with each other and with you are the foundation of the relationships you end up building. OH GOSH, doesn’t that explain my failures of building friendships and just trusting anyone! Aside from the person who im gonna marry right because even he had a hard time getting through. Anyways, it might not look like it anymore, because I used to be so damn good at it before but I try to put on a brave face as much as I can everyday. Everyone has their own burdens…

There is nothing wrong with getting married young. Just because I want to commit to the person who got it right the first time doesn’t mean my life is over or that I’m about to start popping out kids. I don’t judge people who wait till they’re 30 to get married…so why should anyone judge me for knowing what I want a little sooner than most.

I will never stop feeling useless….& it’s been proven that everyone sees me that way.

I feel a little broken hearted right now. My family has never been one which is something you learn to live with and be okay after some time. But not having a relationship with your mom, that’s just sad. It doesn’t even feel real sometimes and sometimes it’s so easy to say I don’t know or she’s busy when people ask me about my own mother because that’s how it’s been for almost 21 years now. I feel like my life at home is such a nightmare that when people complain about theirs I just wish they could be in my shoes for even an hour and see how lucky they are to actually be able go home to a comfortable house even if their dad left the house or their mom left. At least you don’t worry about your safety or your siblings well-being, or about focusing on your OWN life….my life has to be put on hold because of this. I any even enjoy my engagement or my own happiness, I can’t study, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything.

I wish I had a “normal” family and not one that is so fucked up. I’m tired of putting my life on hold for them…it’s just one tragedy after anther.